What I Miss

I miss:

Your laugh, your smile,

your hugs.

I miss:

Talking with you all afternoon, all evening,

all night.

I miss:

Shopping with you,

debating with you, planning with you.

I miss:

Every single thing about you. I'm greedy

for more of you.

I wish I could see you, hold you, smell you,

hear you, sing with you, spend just a little more time with you.

Mom, I miss you.

His Strength Is Perfect

Adopting older children has been one of

the most rewarding experiences of my life.

It has also been one of the most challenging.

Our children were four and five when we met them.

They had memories and experiences in

their lives that happened before they met us.

They had pains and joys that we never shared.

Our first year with them was very, very challenging.

Before we met them, they were considered hard to place.

That label was because of their age, race, and behaviors.

There were many times, that first year, when

I wondered what on earth we were doing.

There were times when I wondered if we had made a mistake,

if we should send them back, if pets might be a better

option. Each time the Lord provided

the strength I lacked.

Each time, God would remind me that He gave me my

children. He had a purpose for their lives and

for our family. He brought all of us through that

first year. He daily renewed my strength.

Behaviors continued, but not as many and not as frequently.

This past month has been very hard with the kids. They've reverted

into a lot of their old behaviors. I'm already at the end

of my rope emotionally, and there are days

when I feel like I can't hold on. There are days,

like today, when I again ask God, "Maybe pets really

would have been a better option for us. Maybe

you made a mistake."

Today, he gently reminded me that

His strength is perfect, when my strength is gone.

I was reminded, again, that God makes no mistakes, that

this time will pass. That one day these dark days will be over, and

that the children He brought to us were the right

children for us. How thankful I am for my

Heavenly Father and for the two children

that He brought into my life. What a gift

they are.

Afternoon Nap

Afternoon at our house.
I loved finding the cat in the blanket.
Don't they all look comfortable.

Monday Muffins

After we were married, and Mom knew

we were going to become parents, she gave me one

of her favorite cookbooks. She'd used it

a lot when we were growing up.

We simply called it "Then Mennonite Cookbook"

or "The Mennonite" for short.

It's a GREAT cookbook with lots of cost

saving ways to cook. Mennonites don't believe

in waste. One of the recipes

in the cookbook is for English Muffins.

I've never made them, but I thought I would try today.

I used whole wheat flour, and they were very easy

to make.
Here is the recipe:
Heat in a saucepan until very warm (130):
1 1/2c. milk
1/4c. butter
In large mixer bowl, combine:
2T. sugar
1t. salt
1pkg. dry yeast
1 1/2 c. flour
With mixer at low speed, gradually beat liquid
into dry ingredients. Increase speed and beat 2 minutes.
Beat in:
1 egg
1c. flour
With a spoon add:
2c. flour, or enough to make stiff dough
Turn dough onto lightly floured surface and knead
jut until well mixed, about
2 minutes. Shape dough into a ball and place in large greased bowl.
Cover and let rise until double in size.
Punch dough down, cover with bowl and let dough rest for
about fifteen minutes. Roll the dough out and cut with biscuit cutter.
Place dough rounds onto a cookie sheet, cover and let rise until
double in size. Once double, heat a skillet on medium.
Fry each side for about eight minutes, or until brown.
Remove from heat, split with a fork, and enjoy.
We're saving our English Muffins for breakfast
tomorrow morning. Hopefully they will taste
as good as they smell.

Biscuits, Chowder, and Some Knitting

This past week has been crazy. The kids missed a lot

of school when my Mom was sick and then after she died. Because I'm not

relaxed enough to do "unschooling", I've spent a lot of this week

trying to get them to where I would like them to be, school wise.

Fridays are still fun, even with a ton of school work, and because

of their really hard work, I decided to make a meal I know they love.

One of their favorites is clam chowder with biscuits.

I have a great chowder recipe, but my biscuits are never very good.

I'm always on a search for great biscuits.

Enter the Internet. By typing flaky, buttery biscuits into Google I found

the most delicious biscuit recipe ever. They look funny,

because they are square, but they taste GREAT.

The clam chowder recipe is a favorite. My Mom and I love clam chowder,

and while I was in college, she would always make this for me when

I came home. When I married, I would make it for her when

she came up to visit, or she would make it for

me when I went down to visit. Dad doesn't eat clam chowder, so

it was a special treat that we shared. The kids, and Jon, love

the chowder, so I'm happy to still be making it.

One of the last weeks of her life, I made a pot of the chowder and

brought it to her. She couldn't eat very much of it, but

she still loved it.

Throughout all the business of the week, I was able to

finish a sparkly scarf and matching white hat. I love

to knit, so I was glad that I had the time

to finish this project. Now I'm starting another scarf,

this one for Jon. Next, I think I'll make a sweater for the Big K. with

some of my stash yarn. Hope you're all enjoying a fun and relaxing weekend

with your loved ones. I know that I am.

Wednesdays

Some days are harder than others.

There are days when I forget, for a minute,

that my Mom is gone. The other day, I was looking at the

wall hanging she made for Jon and

me on our anniversary.

For just one second I thought,

"I should call Mom. I haven't talked with

her in a while." Then I remembered,

there are no phones in heaven.

Other times the weight of loss

covers me like a blanket. My heart feels as if it is

literally broken apart.

I buckle from the pain of her really being gone.

The other day I heard the most beautiful song on KLove,

"Save a Place For Me" about a loved

one in heaven.

One line in the song, "I bet it feels good to have

the weight of this world off your shoulders now", reminded

me that Mom is no longer suffering.

Even that knowledge couldn't stop me from crying.

As the artist sang, "I'll be there

soon, I'll be there soon" all I could think of was

how much I wanted to be with my Mom.

Wednesdays are always hard days for me.

My Mom died on a Wednesday morning.

The "Today" show was on TV. I held her

hand as she took her last breath.

Wednesdays are hard. I've been through ten of them without

her. I know that I may travel through many more

Wednesdays without my Mom.

I hold the assurance that one day

Mom and I will be sitting in heaven.

We will talk like never before.

We'll never say good-bye again.

One of the last lines in the song I heard says,

"I want to live my life just like you did.

I want to make my home in the sky just like you did."

I pray that my life will make her proud.

And so, I work through the tenth Wednesday without

her. I miss her.

I can't wait until the day that we will be reunited again.

When we will make our home in the sky together.

Animal Tracks

Once a month, our local zoo offers

zoo classes for home schooled kids.

The Big K. and Doodles

look forward to these classes

every month.

This month, Big K. has been counting

down the days until January's class.

Why? Because it was

going to be outdoors, there would

be snow shoeing,

and we were learning

about animal tracks.

Brianne is the kids' teacher.

Her love for animals and children shines

through every month.

She takes the time to talk with the kids,

allows them to ask all sorts of questions, no

matter how silly, and really

listens to what they have to say.

The activities are always fun and well planned.

This month, to emphasize animal tracks,

Brianne painted the feet of several different

animals. She then had the animals walk

on paper to show the types of tracks

they make.

She brought out Mr. B., the parrot,

and showed how his feet are made to

hold onto tree branches.

She then showed us all sorts of tricks that

he's learned. She explained to the kids

why it's so important for parrots to remain in the wild.

The kids played a game using pictures

of animals and their tracks. They had

to match the right animal to the right

track.

Brianne then took the kids outside for a walk in the snow.

She handed out little cards with all different types

of tracks that might be seen.

The kids had the zoo to themselves.

They raced through the trails finding

lots of squirrel tracks

and some deer tracks.

After our track hunt, it

was back to the classroom. The kids made their own animal

track books to bring home.

Big K. and Doodles had so much fun.

They always learn so much during the time at the zoo.

They're already counting down the days until

next month's class.

Cinnamon Raisin Bread

I love Martha Stewart.

When Jon and I were getting married,

I used Martha Stewart's Weddings

to plan and decorate our

wedding.

I used to read her Living magazine

all of the time. One year, my parents gave

me a year's subscription to it.

I loved it.

Then I had kids,

and frankly who has time to neatly

arrange spring flowers

into an attractive wreath

for the front door.

Not me. Saturday, while I was grocery shopping,

the February issue of Living caught my eye.

I was hungry and there were heart

cakes on the front. I couldn't resist.

It was like visiting with an old friend.

I love Martha. I even

loved her when she was doing jail time.

This month, one of her articles was
about making home made bread.
True to all things Martha, the
recipes and easy to follow directions were
provided.
I usually use my bread machine, but just
this once I thought, I can do this.
Martha makes everything look so easy.
And so, I made Cinnamon Raisin bread.
It tasted as good as it looks.
I do believe Martha would be proud.
Maybe I do have time to arrange
those roses in an artful heart shape on our
dining room table.

Our Weekend in Pictures (and some words)

Friday night pancakes.
Sour dough this time.

Super good with honey.

Saturday evening birthday

party.

Sitting with Squeaky,

the guinea pig.

Doodles and J., not looking

so happy at a party.

J. is the birthday

girl.

Yummy Fairy cupcakes

made by J. and her Mom.

What a sweet cake.

Waiting for instructions

on what to do with the pinata.

Happy 5th birthday J.

Thanks for inviting us.

Four Years Ago

Four years ago, this weekend,

Jon and I embarked on a journey

that would change our lives

FOREVER!!

We took a trip to Boston

to meet our children.
I can't believe how much
they've grown in four
years.

I can't believe how much our lives

have change in four years.

I'm so thankful that we met them,

loved them, and adopted them.

I can't even begin to imagine

our lives without them.

They are truly the loves of our

lives.