My Soap Box

When our older two children came to live with us,

they were four and five years old. We were

their eighth home. They had been removed

from a family member who chose to lock them in a room,

and not feed them.

She neglected them. Doodles left her home, at the age of four with a

black eye. The Big K. left her house at the age of

three unable to talk or walk properly.

Both children were dirty, underfed, and had

never seen a doctor. They were abused.

A nasty ugly word. Despite this fact, the court granted their

relative, the woman that abused them, once yearly visitation.

Because they were not legally ours for the first three years
that they lived with us, we had to take them for a visit with
their relative. It was a strained and difficult visit. We had to drive
our children for almost eight hours, so that they could spend two hours
with a woman that abused them. Once they were adopted, we were told
that visitation was at our discretion. After that visit, our children were
distressed. They were scared they would be hurt, they would have to move again,
that they would be abused.
After their adoption was finalized, we made the decision not to allow any
more visits. At least not yet. Not until the kids are a little older.
This week, we received a phone call, from a lawyer. Apparently, our children's relative
has decided to go to court to gain access to our children. She wants to see them.
The lawyer called me. She called the wrong mother. I don't care that my children
are adopted, they are my children, and I WILL NOT put them in harms way.
I will not have them victimized again, by the same system that
victimized them the first eight years of their lives.
Social Services needs to change. Laws need to be changed. Children matter.
Children should not be forced to maintain contact with a person that
abused them. If you or I was in an abusive relationship, no judge would
tell us we HAD to visit the individual that abused us. If a stranger
had done the things that this woman did to my children, they would
be in jail. But our screwed up system deems visits appropriate.
Children are victimized again and again in the name of
connection, family, history, blood.
The fight is on. NO ONE will hurt, scare, injure, or
victimize my children again.
NO ONE!!!