Not Just A House

The word house is defined as a dwelling place.

A home is entirely different.  It is so much more than just a "dwelling" place.

My Mom made every place we ever lived feel like home.

Growing up, we lived in lots of different places.  My Mom's one desire

was to own a home.  It's all she ever wanted.

About two years, before she was diagnosed with cancer, she

and my father were able to buy their first home only a mile

away from where Jon and I lived.

Oh the dreams that my mother had for her house.  Retirement

near the grand kids, a place that the kids

could visit when they were teenagers.

Cancer doesn't just steal a loved one's life, it steals

their dreams.  It steals the dreams of a whole family, of

an extended family. It steals a future.  I have often questioned the

loss of my mother's life.  I have questioned the loss of her dreams, my father's dreams,

our family's dreams.

During this past year, my life, our lives, have had to change without my Mom.

We've had to make a new future.  Our dreams have had to change.

My Mom will never live down the street from her grand kids.

I will never again walk into her home, flop down on her couch, eat her food,

and just enjoy the comfort that comes from stepping into home.

Knowing she's there, her home is there, her love is there.

My kids will never grow up being able to drive over to Oma and Papa's house, spend

holidays there, cook meals there.  Those things will never happen.

I have had to grieve those losses.  My kids, my father, my husband, have all had

to say good bye not just to my mother but to the life that we had all hoped 

to have.

Today, my Mother's house sold. It sold to a young

teacher. It's her first  home.  She told my father how much she loved

the house, how she wasn't looking for a house, and then

she found my Mom's house.

Today, I had to say good-bye to the last place on this earth

my mother lived.  To the rooms that shared so many happy

memories, long talks, late nights, family holidays.

I had to say good-bye to the house that was not

just a "dwelling place", not just some walls and a roof, but

a sanctuary from the storms of life.  A warm and welcoming

refuge where my Mother's love, even after her death, could still

be felt. I will miss my Mom's home.  I will miss the future that

we will not share together.  I will miss

the memories that we will never make.

I will, forever, miss my Mom.