Monday, March 15, 2010

Parties, Parades, and Pain

Two years ago, my Mom was here.
His was not. His Mom was still using
drugs. My Mom was excited to
spend a birthday with her newest
grandchild.
Last week, as we celebrated P.'s
birthday, my heart was sad.
I missed my Mom.
There are some things that I can prepare myself
for: Easter, her birthday, Mother's Day.
I wasn't prepared for the pain
of missing my Mom on P.'s birthday.
I was so happy to share our little five year old's day with
both him and his mother.
How fun it was for him
to get to spend the day with his mom.
At the end of the day, we all sat down to
watch a video Jon had made of P.'s third birthday.
My Mom was in it. She was healthy, laughing, making
smart comments with Jon. I ached to
hold her, to hug her, to kiss her, to
be with her.
On Saturday we took the kids
to see their first St. Patrick's Day
parade.
What fun they had watching
the bagpipes and running after candy.
How fun it was to be together, all of us.
How much I wanted to tell my Mom about
our day, about our week, about the kids.
How much she would love seeing
how big all of the kids are getting.
She would love to hear about Doodles and what
a young lady she is becoming.
She would have loved to hear the Big K. as he
told P.,"We're brothers. We have to
stick together. That's what brothers do."
And she would have loved to see the baby dancing
to the Bagpipe music and then screaming
because he didn't get any candy.
I have had a hard week. My Dad's life is moving forward,
we are all leaving my Mom behind. I haven't wanted to.
I haven't wanted to lose what I had.
This morning, the Lord gently reminded me that
He holds the future. He carries not just my children, my husband,
and myself. He carries my Dad and my Dad's future.
I realized, if I could give my Mother to God,
I can surely give my Dad to God.
I can trust that God, the lover of all, the healer, protector,
father, and friend loves my Dad more than I ever can.
God will walk us all through this time.
God will heal the broken parts of my heart.
God has given me so very much to be thankful for.

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