Our Year In Review

Last year, we celebrated New

Year's Eve at my parents house.

We didn't know what this year

would hold.

We never do.

We had lots of happy memories.

Easter with my parents.

My Mom cooked the meal.

A much planned trip to Joe's

Crab Shack.

Something my Mom really

wanted to do.

A trip to see Mary Poppins

on Broadway and a trip

to Katz after.

A Fun Girl Trip to Maine with

Mom.
The celebration of our kids one
year Adoption Anniversary.
Mom celebrated with us.
Halloween trick-or-treating
with the kids and my Mom.

Celebrating our first Thanksgiving

without.

Celebrating our first Christmas without.
This past year has been one

of the hardest of my life. For a year we

hoped, we prayed, we planned.

We hoped for a cure, we

prayed for a cure,

and we planned what to do with the time

we'd been give.

We had the privilege of spending our

year making memories with Mom.

We had the privilege of a year telling her

how much we loved her. Next year

will be our first year without her.

Next year will be different than this,

but it is a gift of time. Time for us

to make memories together.

Happy New Year.

Christmas Vacation

Every year Jon saves

enough vacation time to have the

week between Christmas and

New Years Day off.

The kids don't have school.

Dad's in town.

We're all enjoying some time

together, relaxing.

Big K. put Papa to work putting

together some Christmas toys.

Doodles is enjoying some new

books and dolls.

Even Kalea is enjoying the time off.

Hope you all are having

a nice last week of 2009.

Happy New Year.

Their First Christmas

This year, both Kalea (the basset hound)

and Lucy (the cat) had

their very first Christmas.

As you can see by the pictures,

they celebrated in

two distinctly different ways.

Kalea slept.

Lucy climbed.

Christmas was fun for them.

Our First

Hi Pal,

Yesterday was our first Christmas without you.

Boy was it sad. We did our best though,

you would have been proud of us.

On Christmas Eve, the kids sang at

church. They did great.

After church we ate our

Christmas Eve dinner of Salmon. Dad had

steak :o)

After dinner, we opened our
Christmas Eve pajamas.
Boy did I miss giving you Fun Girl
pajamas.
Jon bough Transformer pj's for
the Big K. and himself.

K. loved his! Doodles

and I had matching owl pajamas.

I even bought some pj's for Dad.

He was so excited to have a Christmas Eve

present.

We invited him to stay the night at our house,

but he wanted to go home.

We both cried, because we missed you so much

on Christmas Eve.

Christmas morning, the kids were really excited

for their presents.

I wish you could have seen them.

Santa brought Doodles a doll with a

barking dog on a leash.

Guess what?! The first thing she did when she

got her doll was to take the clothes all off.

Just like I did when I was small.

It must be a little girl thing.

She said, "I bet Oma did too."

I told her I was sure you did.

The Big K. got walkie talkies.

I loved this picture of him.

I thought you would too.

Mom, Dad made sure that the kids had

the presents you wanted for them.

He gave Doodles two books with

dollar bills in the pages. Just like

you wanted her to have.

He put "From: Oma and Papa"

on the tags.

He bought them new, big kid,

Bibles like you wanted.

Th Big K. loved the bank

that you picked out for him.

He was so excited to know that you

had chosen it for him,

that it was one of the last things

you bought.

He loved it. You were right.

Dad found the paint sets that you bought the kids,

hoping to paint with them.

He gave Doodles the one that you

bought for yourself to paint.

I told the kids about you buying them to do

with the kids.

They missed you so much. I cried

all morning.

When I got to my Christmas stocking,

I missed you even more.

I missed you filling it for me, and telling me about

the search for all of the stuff.

I missed our Fun Girl presents

to each other.

We talked a lot about last Christmas.

I'm so thankful that we made it fun.

I'm so thankful that we were all

together.

I'm so thankful you were with us.

At dinner, I used your Christmas table

cloth. Dad said he knew you'd be happy to know

that we were using your things.

He's right. You would be.

You wouldn't have wanted the stuff to just sit and

not be used.

I made Cornish hens just like you did

when we were growing up.

I found a really good recipe

for orange glaze and wild rice

stuffing. You would have loved it.

After dinner, we celebrated

Jesus' birthday.

We sang to Him.

We put one candle on the cake for

each soul that belongs to Him.

We put a candle on the cake for you,

because we know that you spent Christmas

with Jesus. Even though I'm so happy for

you not to be sick, boy do

I miss you down here.

I really missed you at Christmas.

I know your Christmas was merry.

Mom, I want you to know that ours was too.

We did our best. We made it through. We

made Christmas as happy as we could for the kids and for

each other, but we really miss you.

Merry Christmas Mom.

I love you.

Love, Your Pal

Happy Birthday Jesus

If you listen to the media, the right

gift, food, perfume,

trip, will make your Christmas Merry.

I know this is not true.

This year, I don't care what gifts

I get, what trips I take, nothing

will make my heart feel whole again.

Not this year.

I miss my Mom. I miss her

every day. I miss her every minute.

I think about her all of the time.

And yet I've found

that friends help to heal the pain.

Children give me a reason

to move forward.

They give me a reason to smile,

laugh, and to plan a Christmas time.

Family time together makes

my heart feel happy.
Our annual trip to see Lights
On The Lake, gave me a night
full of fun.

Of course I missed my Mom, I thought

of how much she would have

loved the lights, but I also

realized she's seeing the

most amazing Heavenly lights right

now. Christmas lights would pale

in comparison.

No Christmas gift can ever

heal the pain of missing my Mom,

but my heart sang as I watched

my children singing on Christmas Sunday.

Doodles, so nervous, standing up in

front of the whole church and singing

songs of praise to her king.

A king, whose birthday is the reason for

Christmas. Whose death on the

cross gives me the hope of seeing my

Mother again, of spending all

of eternity with my

Prince of Peace.

His gift heals my heart,

brings me hope,

gives me strength.

Happy Birthday Jesus.

Thank you for giving us

your Son.

One Day

I have been blessed with a lot of

really Merry Christmases.

Usually, I love planning, baking, and shopping

for Christmas.

When Jon and I added the kids

to our family, Christmas became

even more special and more fun.

Doing stuff with them before Christmas

was always so much fun.

This year, I feel so much different.

I'm dreading Christmas.

I feel like I should be wearing a sign that says,

"Be gentle with me. Don't push in front

of me, don't honk your horn

at me. Be nice. Everything makes

me cry."

It's only natural for me to be thinking about last Christmas.
We'd just found out
my Mom was sick.
We'd just found out she might only live a year.
We'd just found out that last year's
Christmas might be her last.
My parents had planned on spending Christmas
at our house. They'd packed all of their Christmas things up,
and left them in their retirement home. Mom couldn't
travel, so we had to make due with what there was.
Jon went out and bought a Christmas tree.
The kids and I made ornaments to hang from it.
My Mom sat in her chair and looked at the
tree. We cried.
We said, "Next year, we'll be at our house. You'll be at your
house." It was hard to think
of a next year without Mom.
This year, we're doing our best to be in the Christmas spirit.
We put up the giant tree. We've done
some baking.
I took the kids to see Scrooge yesterday.
I am thankful, for all of the good
Christmases that I've had.
For my family.
For my Heavenly Father, who sent His
Son to Earth.
For His birthday.
I am thankful for my friends and family out
west. They remind me all of the
time that we are not alone.
They are praying for us. They are hurting
with us.
Yesterday, a Christmas package arrived on our
doorstep. It was from my Mom's friend Elaine.
Elaine is one of the few people who has been a part
of my life my whole life.
She came for a visit the Friday before my Mom
died. I really do believe
that my Mom was waiting to tell Elaine goodbye.
Elaine was her best friend.
She told me, right before the visit, that Elaine had
been such a good friend to her the least she could
do was say good-bye.
When I opened the package yesterday, I was surrounded by Elaine's
love. Her love of my mother, that showed
in her love of me. She understood how hard
this Christmas was going to be for us.
She sent us a party in a box.
I also received a card full
of pictures from a cousin in Montana.
My cousin is my Mom's first cousin on her Dad's side.
They'd met when my Mom was small.
My Mom was so excited to hear that I'd connected with her.
I was so thankful to be able to have a loved one
who could pray for my Mom's healing.
After Mom's death, she prayed for all of us.
Yesterday, she sent me the most beautiful pictures
of her family. Despite her own pain and trials, she
took the time to write to me, to share her love, her time,
and her prayers. It's all of these little things that put
me back into the Christmas spirit. If it weren't
for God's amazing gift of His son, I wouldn't have the promise
that I do have. One day, I will see my Mom again.
There will be no more good-byes. One day,
we'll celebrate Jesus' birthday together, in Heaven, and you
can bet that's going to be one BIG party.
I can't wait!!