One Day

I have been blessed with a lot of

really Merry Christmases.

Usually, I love planning, baking, and shopping

for Christmas.

When Jon and I added the kids

to our family, Christmas became

even more special and more fun.

Doing stuff with them before Christmas

was always so much fun.

This year, I feel so much different.

I'm dreading Christmas.

I feel like I should be wearing a sign that says,

"Be gentle with me. Don't push in front

of me, don't honk your horn

at me. Be nice. Everything makes

me cry."

It's only natural for me to be thinking about last Christmas.
We'd just found out
my Mom was sick.
We'd just found out she might only live a year.
We'd just found out that last year's
Christmas might be her last.
My parents had planned on spending Christmas
at our house. They'd packed all of their Christmas things up,
and left them in their retirement home. Mom couldn't
travel, so we had to make due with what there was.
Jon went out and bought a Christmas tree.
The kids and I made ornaments to hang from it.
My Mom sat in her chair and looked at the
tree. We cried.
We said, "Next year, we'll be at our house. You'll be at your
house." It was hard to think
of a next year without Mom.
This year, we're doing our best to be in the Christmas spirit.
We put up the giant tree. We've done
some baking.
I took the kids to see Scrooge yesterday.
I am thankful, for all of the good
Christmases that I've had.
For my family.
For my Heavenly Father, who sent His
Son to Earth.
For His birthday.
I am thankful for my friends and family out
west. They remind me all of the
time that we are not alone.
They are praying for us. They are hurting
with us.
Yesterday, a Christmas package arrived on our
doorstep. It was from my Mom's friend Elaine.
Elaine is one of the few people who has been a part
of my life my whole life.
She came for a visit the Friday before my Mom
died. I really do believe
that my Mom was waiting to tell Elaine goodbye.
Elaine was her best friend.
She told me, right before the visit, that Elaine had
been such a good friend to her the least she could
do was say good-bye.
When I opened the package yesterday, I was surrounded by Elaine's
love. Her love of my mother, that showed
in her love of me. She understood how hard
this Christmas was going to be for us.
She sent us a party in a box.
I also received a card full
of pictures from a cousin in Montana.
My cousin is my Mom's first cousin on her Dad's side.
They'd met when my Mom was small.
My Mom was so excited to hear that I'd connected with her.
I was so thankful to be able to have a loved one
who could pray for my Mom's healing.
After Mom's death, she prayed for all of us.
Yesterday, she sent me the most beautiful pictures
of her family. Despite her own pain and trials, she
took the time to write to me, to share her love, her time,
and her prayers. It's all of these little things that put
me back into the Christmas spirit. If it weren't
for God's amazing gift of His son, I wouldn't have the promise
that I do have. One day, I will see my Mom again.
There will be no more good-byes. One day,
we'll celebrate Jesus' birthday together, in Heaven, and you
can bet that's going to be one BIG party.
I can't wait!!