There Are Days

There are days when it's so easy

for me to wake up, get moving, and enjoy

the things of this life. Then there

are days when all I want to do is

be in heaven.

I must confess, I don't have a death wish,

I'm not suicidal, I just want to be with my Mom.

I want to tell her about everything that's happened

since she's been gone. I want to tell her about the kids.
One of my Mother's greatest joys was being a grandmother.

She loved my kids, and she loved to listen to me

talk about the kids.

When P. and Baby D. joined our family my

Mom embraced them as if they were her own

grand babies.

She staid at our house one weekend so that I could get some sleep.

She woke up all night to take care of the baby.

She loved being able to do that.

When Jon and I made the decision to have the boys removed

from our home, it broke her heart as much as it did ours.

She loved those boys so very much. Nothing made her

happier than knowing that Jon and I still got to see them.

During her last year of life, the boys' foster mother offered to bring them

to see my Mom. My sweet mother didn't want them to be sad, or worried, or scared.

As much as she may have wanted to see them, she didn't.

If I could go to heaven, I would talk on and on about having

four kids again. I would tell her how big

the boys are. I would tell her how happy the kids are

to be together because blood alone doesn't make you siblings.

I would tell her how much I love her.

I would thank her for raising me to have the strength and courage to wake up every

day, even when I don't want to.

I would thank her for giving me the desire to be a mother.